3 days of hell coming out my ass

Friday: kept ripping non stop silent but deadlys, every few minutes and ten seconds long. Got home and bottom dropped out and I dropped a giant pile of waste way above the water line.
Saturday: woke up and ate spaghetti. Bottom dropped out and I blew out a 2 foot long snake dump. Figured I was done for a few days so ate a ton of Chinese food. An hour later my stomach filled up like a balloon. Non stop chainsaw rips all evening and kept waking me up through the night.
Today, woke up and ripped the wettest and baddest smelling chainsaw rip. 15 second long. Then bottom dropped out and I ran to bathroom. Another 10 pound shit fetus slithered out followed by aftershock explosion of volcano. Where is this all coming from? Straight from hell. I feel like lots more is coming but don’t want to sit on toilet all day. FML.